“Sports Almanacs! Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Sports Almanacs!” What to do if You See Marty McFly on October 21 2015
In under a month’s time on October 21 according to footage found amongst the mangled wreckage of a Delorean, after a train ploughed into it when for some reason it was parked on train tracks back in 1985, it is likely that a young man named Marty McFly will appear in one our branches looking for help to obtain a Sports Almanac. Under no circumstances assist him to do this and immediately point him out to a staff member. You may spot him arriving in a Delorean, but depending on if Pacfic Fair construction is still underway and workers utes are still taking a lot of spaces, or there are October sales at Robina Town Centre, a kids’ sporting event going on the adjacent fields at Runaway Bay or Burleigh Waters branches and other situations affecting parking on the day, the Delorean may have to park further away so you may not spot it and Mr McFly may arrive on foot.
Although according to the found footage (which was publicly released, divided into three sections with the relevant part of the documentary we are about to refer to found in GCCC libraries under the title, Back to the Future II), that date of his arrival should be October 21, but since the footage was filmed in the US which is a day behind us, October 22 is the very likely alternative. Of course, also as anyone knows who viewed the found footage past the parts set in our current year knows, the Delorean (oh by the way it is also a time machine, probably should have mentioned that), would after leaving with the Almanac, go back into the past, which resulted in a bit of tampering with the space time continuum back in ye old days of the railroad. So scientists have hypothesized it is possible the Delorean could turn up here on the Gold Coast, they base this on the fact that many archaeological pieces made of cheap plastic turned up in Oxenford with the same vehicle and occupants images on them in the first half of the decade of the 90’s. The tampering could also change the date of arrival by months, and if we look closely at the 2015 footage, there are some subtle differences to what can be seen in the documentary such as wall faxes haven’t made a comeback, and hoverboards are yet to become mainstream, also the young people of today aren’t yet wearing their clothes inside out. But perhaps those things in the footage won’t happen now from the events after the return to 1985 and the journey further into the past later in that found footage documentary as well as the final section labelled Back to the Future III. Such as a school teacher being saved from plummeting to her death off a cliff and other things a Mr Marty Mcfly and his scientist companion Dr Emmett Brown got up to while putting their own needs (to stay alive and stuff) above not messing with the space time continuum.
Anyway according to that found footage, Marty will try and journey to an antique store to buy a Sports Almanac so he can make his present day self wealthy. Now antique stores don’t really exist here on the Gold Coast, so with Marty’s 80’s mindset, he will obviously next try to a find bookstore, little does he know they don’t really exist in our year of 2015, so what will his next thought process be to obtain one? That’s right, the library!
Obviously staff have been trained at what to do if anyone asks where they can find a Sports Almanac on the shelves or if a man matching the description from the found footage is seen in the library, or if a Mr McFly tries to join or update his library card that expired 30 years ago. But he may not ask staff for help, and libraries are busy places so he may not be noticed straight away by library staff. So if you see him, please let a staff member know. He may not just be looking in the shelves where sports results can be found. As you know libraries have a wealth of information on our shelves (we have to assume he won’t know about our online resources, or even the Internet itself at all to simply get lotto results on days there was no winner, and print those. If he works that out we’re doomed anyway, so best to have positive thoughts). If he thinks about it, which he might not as he has just escaped a traumatic experience in 1955 where his teenage aged mother tried to get in his pants. But if he does, Marty will know that a book of the results of every sporting match or competition for the last thirty years is not actually the best way to use knowledge of what is about to happen to get rich. As winning sports bets all the time will draw unwanted attention from the government and sporting bodies, who will assume you are match fixing and paying off players. Also betting agencies or bookies are likely to have you killed or at the very least find an excuse to bar you from betting with them. Better alternatives to avoid jail or death would be to invest in shares. So he may be found in books on trading shares that list prices of shares over the years while talking about a company they are using as an example to demonstrate a point. Or just books in general on companies who are successful and how they grew from nothing so he can approach someone like say Mark Zuckerberg and offer him whatever he needs in exchange for part ownership and large percentages of future issued shares. There are many different areas of the library collection that can make him rich if taken back in time, I won’t list them here but feel free to leave comments so others know where to look out for Marty below. It is possible that messing with the space time continuum back in 1955 may have altered Marty’s appearance as well. He probably will be wearing a life jacket vest over blue jeans and a blue shirt. Those clothes may even be inside out as we know Doctor Brown believed this to be the latest fashion in our time. But really you must be weary of anyone you encounter in these parts of the library. We know Mr McFly has a disorder where he can’t help himself but to respond aggressively when labelled a chicken. So you could say something like, you’re not going to borrow this one, why not? Are you… Chicken!
We also know from that footage that Marty was being observed by an old man named Biff Tanner who actually did go back and alter his and therefore our futures. Library staff have his description as well but if you see an old man who you think might be Mr Tanner, start up a conversation and work casually into that conversation the line, say do you like manure? At the mention of the m word, Biff also has a disorder where he will grunt mumble the words “I hate manure!” That’s how you’ll know its him and that you should let a staff member know.
We can save humanity. It has been done before! In another piece of found footage (also found in our library called Judgement Day), we learnt that Skynet became self-aware at 02:14 am Eastern Time after it was activated on August 4 1997. It launched nuclear missiles at Russia on August 29 when humans tried to turn it off which resulted in retaliation by the USA and nuclear annihilation of most of the world’s population. Of course with the knowledge from that found footage, no one has tried to turn Skynet off this time round, and we luckily are now not crispy, or spending our days fighting cybernetic organisms and endoskeletons under a giant mushroom cloud. We still of course must be weary if we encounter a naked man asking for our clothes after a sudden isolated to a few square meters lightning storm. The libraries have of course introduced gadget bars, self checkin machines and self checkout machines just to keep Skynet happy, as the supermarkets and department stores are also doing. But other than that, it has been proven our devastation is not inevitable if we follow the warnings from the found footage. So remember if you see a Delorean in a library car park or encounter a guy wearing a life jacket vest, or one of the other people mentioned above, let a library staff member know.